Archterrorist warns believers: Don’t yank it during Ramadan
posted at 9:23 pm on October 4, 2006 by Allahpundit
Suicide bombs for Palestinian children? Okay. Hanging teenagers in the public square for engaging in Mark Foley-esque activities? Okay.
Rubbing one out during the month of fasting? Problem.
Although it sort of depends, as you’ll see if you read the article.
Not our normal fare around here, I know, but the rest of the blogosphere is busy writing posts about Foleygate with one hand and I wanted to keep our site comparatively clean.
Bonus clean link! The ultimate L.A. story. Seriously. James Ellroy wishes he could cook up a plot that, um, ripe.
Bonus weird-sex-practices-in-totalitarian-societies link! Many a western bachelor’s compared marriage to death. But the Chinese, they mean it, man.
Blowback
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As Woody Allen said, “Now you’re going to pick on my hobbies?”
mikeyboss on October 4, 2006 at 9:26 PM
This is obviously why terrorist attacks increase during Ramadan.
Rosetta on October 4, 2006 at 9:26 PM
Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid…
Wait wait wait. Hold on.
Only deliberate masturbation seems to be the problem so accidental masturbation is still good.
Rosetta on October 4, 2006 at 9:29 PM
The more sperm they waste the better…
SouthernGent on October 4, 2006 at 9:32 PM
But only if it’s swallowed.
Sorry.
harrison on October 4, 2006 at 9:36 PM
Oh,for a court order that all of the beach-front owners have to submit to anal-swabs.That’s tje only sure way to bet to the bottom of this.
/just smack me now, I’ll understand.
bbz123 on October 4, 2006 at 9:36 PM
Or as he also said, “don’t knock masturbation – it’s sex with someone I love.”
thirteen28 on October 4, 2006 at 9:36 PM
If you don’t yank it during Ramadan, the terrorists win.
alflauren on October 4, 2006 at 9:38 PM
That’s it!!
I ain’t convertin’!
HerrMorgenholz on October 4, 2006 at 9:41 PM
So I guess when Ramadan ends the second thing you do is go get something to eat.
Rosetta on October 4, 2006 at 9:48 PM
I was tought thet you would go blind!!!
Maybe that’s the problem with these Muslims.
Maybe if they crank it, they’d be less up tight.
What an off hand remark. Or hands on, as the case may be.
Kini on October 4, 2006 at 9:49 PM
This is even worse than them banning soccer. This is hilarious. *snicker*
Think the muslim streets will be very quiet that morning after? lol
xanadu1015 on October 4, 2006 at 9:57 PM
Jeez, how do you think we got all those blind Muslim clerics?
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on October 4, 2006 at 10:01 PM
Jeez, musta been one hell of a Jihad.
Kini on October 4, 2006 at 10:04 PM
Sorry.
harrison on October 4, 2006 at 9:36 PM
shooter on October 4, 2006 at 10:12 PM
weird, ‘quote block’ worked backwards/opposite above me here?
shooter on October 4, 2006 at 10:14 PM
If they get caught doing it, do they get their hand cut off? And if so, which hand?
Tony737 on October 4, 2006 at 10:16 PM
October-blogging in an election year. Nuthin’ like it.
marykatharine on October 4, 2006 at 10:45 PM
I’m Foley-ed out. And bored with election crap. And tired of bad news.
Allahpundit on October 4, 2006 at 10:46 PM
Whatup AP, dallas already lose again?
shooter on October 4, 2006 at 11:14 PM
I question the timing.
Bellicose Muse on October 4, 2006 at 11:36 PM
I agree. Al Gore is always good for a cheer-up though. Watched Manbearpig lately? How about him hawking his books to UN staffers after his talk? Eco-fear-peddlers have some thinking to do. There’s really nothing about Al that isn’t amusing, even when he’s trying to be serious. Try 40 secs into this video of Al and Tipper on a jet plane… did he say that it was “hard to be stiff with his wife barefoot”? Anyway, Al is funny.
MT on October 4, 2006 at 11:43 PM
What is the first thing that muslims do after Ramadan?
Ropera on October 5, 2006 at 12:12 AM
Yank, jerk, splat….all over that blue burkha.
doingwhatican on October 5, 2006 at 3:53 AM
how does one masturbate accidently?
pullingmyhairout on October 5, 2006 at 9:31 AM
I love Ramadan!
The second thing I do after I wake up each morning is eat bacon wrapped scollops.
shermacman on October 5, 2006 at 9:34 AM
This is the best quote I’ve read today (and the day is just starting!):
bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
pullingmyhairout on October 5, 2006 at 9:35 AM
I guess her vegetarian sh** doesn’t stink…
pullingmyhairout on October 5, 2006 at 9:36 AM
I was afraid to ask that question. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find out the answer. lol
xanadu1015 on October 5, 2006 at 9:41 AM
I thought images were forbidden practice in the “religion of peace”, what’s up with that(Pic of assaholla khomeini on the wall behind assaholla archterrorist)?
tormod on October 5, 2006 at 10:30 AM
Another example of the total weirdness that results from the intersection of sex and religion.
honora on October 5, 2006 at 10:39 AM
Life sure sucks when you can’t get a date!
soulsirkus on October 5, 2006 at 10:44 AM
So if they’re not going to be saying “hi to their monsters” during Ramadan, does that make them “masters of their domains?”
What are some others?
Slam the Spam
Polish Mount Baldy (or, during Talk Like a Pirate Day, Polish the Yard Arm)
Coax one out
Grow some hair on Rosie (obscure)
Gottafang on October 5, 2006 at 11:05 AM