Roger Ebert: I want to have Al Gore’s baby

posted at 4:33 pm on June 2, 2006 by Allahpundit

I’m exaggerating slightly:

When I said I was going to a press screening of “An Inconvenient Truth,” a friend said, “Al Gore talking about the environment! Bor…ing!” This is not a boring film. The director, Davis Guggenheim, uses words, images and Gore’s concise litany of facts to build a film that is fascinating and relentless. In 39 years, I have never written these words in a movie review, but here they are: You owe it to yourself to see this film. If you do not, and you have grandchildren, you should explain to them why you decided not to.

Let’s try that again. If you don’t see Al Gore’s movie, you should justify your actions to your lineal descendants.

“What should we do today, grandpa?”
“Well, Billy, I suppose we could see ‘An Inconvenient Truth.’ But frankly, I find Al Gore sour and pedantic, and whatever the merits of his argument, I’d prefer not to subsidize the work of a cretin who thinks nothing of undermining our government overseas by groveling to primitive Wahhabist degenerates. Also, my prostate hurts.”
“Duly noted, grandpa!”

By the way, not once since 1967 has he told his readers “you owe it to yourself to see this movie”? They didn’t owe it to themselves to see Star Wars or The Godfather? If I have three hours left to live, I’ve got to go pull An Inconvenient Truth down off the shelf instead of The Empire Strikes Back?

Ebert does cop to being a liberal at the beginning of the review, though. As they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Meanwhile, I was going to do a post yesterday on John Updike’s interview with the Times over the weekend but I got sidetracked and Geraghty beat me to the punch. Read it for yourself. I won’t pronounce judgment on a book I haven’t read, but I did read the Times’s report, and errrr…

When Mr. Updike switched the protagonist’s religion to Islam, he explained, it was because he “thought he had something to say from the standpoint of a terrorist.”

He went on: “I think I felt I could understand the animosity and hatred which an Islamic believer would have for our system. Nobody’s trying to see it from that point of view. I guess I have stuck my neck out here in a number of ways, but that’s what writers are for, maybe.”

He laughed and added: “I sometimes think, ‘Why did I do this?’ I’m delving into what can be a very sore subject for some people. But when those shadows would cross my mind, I’d say, ‘They can’t ask for a more sympathetic and, in a way, more loving portrait of a terrorist.’ “

“Nobody’s trying to see it from that point of view” except Chomsky, Norman Mailer, Susan Sontag (past tense), Jane Smiley, Arundhati Roy, 90% of the American media and professorate — basically, his entire professional peer group of litterateurs and their core readership. So in fact, as far as he’s concerned, everyone’s trying to see it from that point of view. When you look at it that way, his bold act of empathy with a moral monster seems a bit less transgressive.

He also calls the adhan “God’s language.”

Update: Shazam!

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Algore’s fantasy flick deserves accolades about as much as liberal actors deserve the Oscars Hollywood heaves at them.

Algore’s work has as much veracity as Michael Moore’s sick work.

Liberals bask in fiction like this because truth, fact and reality are non-existent in the liberal world.

These elitist fools live in a “Do as I Say, Not as I Do” universe, not even aware that the Earth will actually turn without them.

ForYourEdification on June 2, 2006 at 5:00 PM

I have already dedicated myself, if the End of the World is upon us and I see Four Horsemen, to watching The Empire Strikes Back one last time. And not that weak Special Edition garbage, I’m talking old school VHS. That said, I would still rather hear “Special Edition” Luke with that wimpy yell as he falls in Cloud City a million times before I see anything featuring Gore-bot 2000.

Wineaholic on June 2, 2006 at 5:09 PM

At least Michael Moore offered his stuff for free download. Anyone know if Gore will do the same? I certainly won’t pay for a three-hour scolding. Who does Al think he is? My dominatrix?

Kadnine on June 2, 2006 at 5:09 PM

Xcuse me while I take a long shower and then slather anti-bacterial lotion all over my body

In three hours I’ll come back to the board and I’ll be screaming “STILL NOT CLEAN! STILL NOT CLEAN! STILL NOT CLEAN!”

Defector01 on June 2, 2006 at 5:14 PM

Have his baby? Maybe not. But the amount of sucking up going on makes you wonder if he isn’t trying to give Gore a bl**job…


RobertHuntingdon on June 2, 2006 at 5:21 PM

Perhaps the movie shows us how to throttle down the sun.

dman on June 2, 2006 at 5:36 PM


Defector01 on June 2, 2006 at 5:51 PM

Ebert wants Algore to be his “backdoor man”.

doingwhatican on June 2, 2006 at 6:17 PM

Defector, try upgrading to a more powerful SOAP. ;)

(If you aren’t a computer geek, you won’t get the awful pun… which might not be such a bad thing on second thought…)


RobertHuntingdon on June 2, 2006 at 6:18 PM

Did he actually write “sticking his neck out”??

Try THAT in certain newsworthy towns in Iraq, fat boy!

Jimmyboy1 on June 2, 2006 at 6:23 PM

Three hours left to live?

Return Of The Jedi, with Michelle as Princess Leia and Gore as Jabba the Hut.

Pass the popcorn.

speed647 on June 2, 2006 at 6:26 PM

Ebert also declared the toxic and dishonest “Crash” as the best movie of 2005. That steaming pile of liberal pornography posited that EVERYONE is a racist…except for, of course, the enlighted liberal filmmakers who exclude themselves from the “everyone” cohort in order to lecture the rest of us unwashed about our unadmitted bigotry.

What you never hear in these fawning reviews is even a murmur of the possibility that the hard-Left agendas being served may be unfounded and untrue. Michael Moore stages scenes and edits footage out of context; Gore wails about the threat of ManBearPig; and the liberal critics don’t even trouble themselves with the possibilty that their biases have blinded them from seeing the lies they’re being told.

DirkBelig on June 2, 2006 at 6:36 PM

Nah. Splash Kennedy as Jabba. Algore as the Emperor. Ted Nugent as Chewbacca.

Tuning Spork on June 2, 2006 at 7:09 PM

If I had three hours left to live, I’m thinking maybe “Ikiru”?

Alex K on June 2, 2006 at 7:29 PM

Folks, this came in over the Drudge wire. The NY Post has the correct review of the tripe.

Fact and funny also!

Kini on June 2, 2006 at 7:39 PM

“I want to have Al Gore’s baby.” Bet he could too!

BeeCharmer on June 2, 2006 at 8:16 PM

This turkey of a movie is going to end up being served to kids in High School. I can see the acclaim from the union/educrat complex now:

“Green thumbs up!”–Mildred F. Timeserver, International Brotherhood of Amalgamated Federal Education Workers United.

“I was on the edge of my seat!” –Horace Headshrinker, child behavorist, author of “Prozac, An Alternative to Fruit Juice”?

“We’re all going to die!”–Tiffany Whitherthought , mother of 2 preschoolers.

Essex on June 2, 2006 at 10:42 PM

Should I buy airline stocks? With only 4 little canteen size theaters showing, the liberals would have to fly there like going to WoodStock!

Man…I am gonna be rich.Thanks to Ebert.

Let me check my airline stocks…Oops…down….crap!

I should know better not to trust a liberal.

easy87us on June 2, 2006 at 11:47 PM

Wineaholic:Lucas has relented, and the Original three movies, sans tinkering, will be available soon on DVD. I guess he recognised that some kid in Dubuque still had some paper route money that hadn’t crossed his palm yet.

RH-about the SOAP-do you use that sort of language in polite company?

Doug on June 3, 2006 at 3:28 AM

I wrote to Ebert: I made it as far as, “It reflects the truth as I understand it, and it represents, I believe, agreement among the world’s experts.”

As I understand it (and thus, not “truth” but only my understanding), there is anything but agreement “among the world’s experts,” whoever they may be.

To quote Kip from Napoleon Dynamite, “like anyone can even know that.”

P.S. Two more words: Ted Danson.

Seriously, when did people lose the distinction between “most” and “loudest?” I certainly agree that the Chicken Little crowd, though likely not a majority, garner more press.

Back during the 2000 campaign, someone at the Sun-Times gave Ebert an opinion column, in which he attributed Bush’s slim history of world travel to a dangerous lack of curiosity about the planet.

Duh, silly, he was just trying to reduce his carbon footprint!

Funny how this comes from a film critic. I forgo the car trip, stay home and watch DVDs on my EnergyStar-rated monitor, and I have yet to fly to France just to see a movie. Let’s see the column in which you call for an end to film and encourage only Dogma-style productions shot on digital and delivered over the Internet.

saint kansas on June 3, 2006 at 6:06 AM

and poor Siskel rolls over

gary on June 3, 2006 at 8:48 AM

Im surprised no one has pointed out this little nugget of a quote -“Gore’s concise litany of facts”
When has Captain “Chicken Little” Planet ever been concise? I certainly wouldnt call a 3 hour movie concise. Plus, since when are generalizations and false cause / effect relationships based on junk science ‘facts’?
I believe global warming is actually caused by the reduction of pirates in the seas. According to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the decline in piracy is an inverse relationship with the rise in earths temperature. Works for me!

the observer on June 3, 2006 at 9:20 AM

I’ve looked at the graph, and frankly, I’m convinced. Now how do I join this Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?


Tom Cruise

saint kansas on June 3, 2006 at 10:10 AM

Wanting to have Al Gores baby, is different than actually having it.

Me thinks Roger Ebert only likes the trying part!

Bob Mileti on June 3, 2006 at 10:12 AM

Some one should collect all these writings from the left and write a book ten years from now showing the legacy of the loony left to remind the Americans what they are capable of…distorting a natural phenomenon for their own political gain.

Al Gore, in this aspect, has done a great service for the American by making a movie, thus leaving a clear evidence of their stupidity and intellectual terrorism.

Al Gore has made a claim that we could destroy the plant in ten years if we don’t allow them to take over the planet! If this is not intellectual terrorism I don’t know what is.

easy87us on June 3, 2006 at 10:14 AM

Gore tells us America is lagging behind the world and says China is on the cutting edge of environmentalism. In his world travels Al must have opted out of visiting the land of the Chi-Coms, or he would know that this country is one of the filthiest, polluted countries on the planet … and on a major scale!

With a population four times that of the U.S., the majority of China’s workforce still commutes via bicycle yet much of the country’s atmosphere is saturated with a grey dirty smog from China’s burgeoning industries. Add a couple hundred millions cars for this country’s 1.3 billion residents over the next 10 years and the pollution problem will only become far worse. China doesn’t give a crap about environmental issues. They have more lofty goals in mind, goals that involve importing more and more foreign oil and depositing the ensuing transportation and industrial waste byproducts into the atmosphere.

Al has about as much chance of convincing the Chinese to adhere to his environmental wet dreams as he did convincing Bill to prohibit interns from camping out under the Oval Office desk.

Striking, how we’re engaged in a global war on terror and this presidential wannabe is setting the table for another run at the White House by whining and complaining about global warming. I wonder if Al knows the core temperature of a nuclear blast.

realitychick on June 3, 2006 at 10:25 AM

Is Roger Ebert really “the perky one” in drag?

birdman on June 3, 2006 at 3:42 PM

You owe it to yourself to see this film. If you do not, and you have grandchildren, you should explain to them why you decided not to.

“Well, Johnny, I didn’t go see that movie because, well, it was a hot, steaming pile of moose poop on a soggy paper plate. I mean the lunatic didn’t even use Chinet. Guess he thought it wasn’t ‘earth-friendly’ or something. Anyway, that’s why your dear old papaw stayed away. Because Al Gore is a freaking idiot. But you won’t hear him say that when they let him out of Bellevue.”

“Gee whiz Papaw. I’m glad you told me that. My teacher is building a shrine to him, and saying something about offering us children as a sacrifice to stop global warming.”

BigOrangeAxe on June 3, 2006 at 4:10 PM

Has anyone here seen the movie? Just curious.

RD on June 3, 2006 at 6:08 PM

I haven’t. I don’t dismiss his arguments about global warming, but I won’t spend money on something with which he’s involved. I find him disgusting.

Allahpundit on June 3, 2006 at 6:11 PM

Have you seen the new South Park episode featuring Al Gore (Excelsior!!!)?
‘Nuff said.

Hening on June 3, 2006 at 6:13 PM

Why are the liberals have such a stupid unreal fantasy on China?

China has the biggest deforestation because they have not managed their natural resources for the last 100 years! The sand dunes,which used to be 200 km from Beijing, are now right outside of the city. Old Beijing folk songs praised ” when the wind blows you see the grass land waving with the wind. When the grass is down we can see herds of cows and sheeps…”. Now no more…all you see is miles of sand! And on a good day, the entire Beijing is covered by sand storm!

How about the sinking Shanghai? They have pumped so much ground water from the water table that Shanghai is sinking, literally!

How about the Three Gourge Dam? How about millions of acre of natural forest and farmlands being destroyed and a couple million of farmers were force relocated?

How about the Yellow River. This is the river that has plagued China for five thousand years with floods after floods. Guess what the communist have done to it? They successfully cut off its flow! Hilarious! Some poor folks got beheaded 4 thousand years ago for not being able to stop the flood, now the communists have stopped the river from flowing! They have used up the river water to fracture oil wells!

How about miles and miles of lands, rich in moss, grass, and fungi, is destroyed because the poor folks are digging the land for a black moss which a delicacy consumed by Hong Kong Chinese?

I can tell Al Gore more about Chinese’s consrvation of the natural environment. Al, you are stupid beyond salvation!

easy87us on June 3, 2006 at 10:58 PM

china’s a communist country
they do no wrong

Defector01 on June 5, 2006 at 1:53 AM