Sex and marriage: Man proves fidelity by cutting off his schwanz

posted at 9:48 pm on May 31, 2006 by Allahpundit

I love you this much!

The good news is, they were able to re-attach it. The bad news is, his status for the Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic is questionable at best.

See what happens when traffic lags? At the first sign of trouble, Allah goes tabloid.

All right, serious news. Marriage is “on the rocks” in Britain thanks to a pair of rulings last week that added a distinct California flavor to the country’s divorce laws. Here’s the write-up from Reuters. In a nutshell, alimony will now be based not just on need but on compensation for lost earnings, and a spouse who marries with the expectation of being rich is entitled to have that expectation realized during the division of property — no matter how short the marriage was. British divorce lawyers responded with predictable alarmism.

But that’s small potatoes. The big news today comes from the Guardian, which reports that Britain’s Law Commission is set to take things a step further: because fewer people are getting married, the Commission proposes applying divorce law to couples who have cohabited for a set statutory period. They want to make palimony the default law of the land, in other words — a de facto reinstitution of common-law marriage in its incidents if not its name. The goal is to eliminate economic inequality that might have accrued between the partners during the relationship, even though they didn’t submit to the state’s jurisdiction by getting married.

Think it can’t happen here? Then you haven’t seen the latest poll.

So there’s the serious news. Elsewhere, scientists make the biological discovery of the century; the longest-married couple in Britain celebrates lucky number 78; American husbands get their rude awakening about sex during marriage sooner than ever before; and star-crossed lovers pursue a Love That Can Never Be. Sigh…

Update: Re: schwanz boy, Jim Treacher e-mails:

He really got to the ROOT of the problem!


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What a wanker!

Grouper on May 31, 2006 at 9:55 PM

Perhaps it’s time for mood-stabilizers for this fellow.

As for British law in general:
(I’m pretty eloquent, aren’t I?)

violet on May 31, 2006 at 9:55 PM

OUCH! Couldn’t he have proven his fidelity by just cutting off his toenail?

pjcomix on May 31, 2006 at 9:56 PM

This man is obviously disturbed, as a normal person would never pull a boner like this.

Grouper on May 31, 2006 at 10:04 PM

The good news is the monkey is safe, as he will be unable to spank it for a good period of time.

Grouper on May 31, 2006 at 10:06 PM

Damn. I think I could learn to live without the lady before I could learn to live without the Scwanz.

On a more serious note that whole convoluted mess regarding marriage over in the UK is pretty typical of the Liberal mindset. Let’s make laws in society regarding children and/or family so complicated and difficult to live with that fewer and fewer people decide to actually create families and procreate…

…and then scratch your head like damn dumb ape when you don’t understand why the immigrant Muslim population is beginning to out-populate you by leaps and bounds.

I’m not saying I agree with the Muslim vision of family values – pretty f*cking stone-aged if you ask me. Nevertheless they understand the numbers game. Something those “Enlightened Euros” do not.

venmax on May 31, 2006 at 10:14 PM

As for the discovery of the century: “The researchers found that individual differences in human sexual desire can be attributed to genetic variations.”

I believe it was found to be much lower in humans having two “X” chromosomes.

see-dubya on May 31, 2006 at 10:16 PM

This is how they do science in Israel?

“The scientists, at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, examined the DNA of 148 healthy male and female university students and compared the results with questionnaires asking for the students’ self-descriptions of their sexual desire, arousal and sexual function. They found a correlation between variants in a gene called the D4 receptor and the students’ self-reports on sexuality.”

Self-reporting of sex on a college campus? What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, and about that couple celebrating its 78th, it reminds me of the joke about the couple, married for 75 years, who went before a judge for a divorce. The judge wanted to know why they were seeking a divorce after such a long marriage. They told him they wanted to wait until the children died.

Attila (Pillage Idiot) on May 31, 2006 at 10:17 PM

Come on people. Clean it up.

Labamigo on May 31, 2006 at 11:56 PM

Somehow this reminds me of a Margaret Smith routine:
“My Dad’s got problems. He has gambling fever, is an alcoholic who has been sober for three years, and is going bald. He just spent 10,000 dollars getting those little hair plugs put in.
One night he got drunk, and to win a bet he shaved his head…
so now I owe him ten bucks.”

Doug on June 1, 2006 at 1:18 AM

I think I’d rather be divorced.

Oh wait…..I am.

speed647 on June 1, 2006 at 2:16 AM

Way to go moron, now SHE’S gonna cheat on YOU!

Tony737 on June 1, 2006 at 7:10 AM

you know, that story hurts just thinking about it…

Wyrd on June 1, 2006 at 7:55 AM

Do we really have time for this foolishness?

Dread Pirate Roberts VI on June 1, 2006 at 8:56 AM

The guy was married, right? What was he thinking…us married guys know that once you get married you have no need for that THING anymore. It was suppossed to be cut off when he said “I DO”. Geez…

hoosier_federalist on June 1, 2006 at 9:45 AM

Dickless wonder.

This is a waste of time.

Who cares about this nonsense?

On to what matters….

doingwhatican on June 1, 2006 at 6:58 PM

I love you honey
but no fracking way!

Defector01 on June 1, 2006 at 8:59 PM


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