After the catastrophe that was “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Blah Blah Whatever,” this is now the gold standard in swashbuckling throwback adventure serials, yes? I ask because … I’ve never seen one of these flicks. What’s the deal, exactly? Johnny Depp’s a pirate sailing the seas in search of fortune and beautiful women who dig mincing drunks prone to hamming it up Downey Jr style? Were there a lot of women like that in the 18th century? Because if so, that was a golden age indeed for beta males, my friends.

This looks like a lot of fun, actually, especially given the benchmark for movie “fun” these days. Exit confession: I’ve never seen that Indiana Jones movie either. (Although I did see all the others, of course.)