Via Big Government, a lump of coal anthracitic carbon in your stocking courtesy of the Build-A-Bear company. Stuff like this used to bother me, but it’s not going away so we might as well adapt and take advantage. Try this on for size: “Dora the Explorer Bombs Ahmadinejad’s Reactors.” Eh? Too violent? How about a special episode of Hannah Montana in which Miley’s family takes out a subprime mortgage they can’t afford and ends up bankrupting the whole town? Teach ’em early, that’s what I say.

I’ve got a bunch of ideas for atheist children’s specials, too, but I’ll spare you those. (Hint: ACLU sues Santa, proves he doesn’t exist.) If you’re in a hurry here, clip three is the one to watch, although the “ice caps are melting” exchange with Santa — replete with allusion to “The Day After Tomorrow” — near the beginning of clip two is also fun.